Friday, January 28, 2005

Cat-Year Calculator

There's a great Dog Age Calculator over at Cal's Place, and I wish I could find one for cats! I keep telling The People that I'm NOT a baby anymore, but they just can't seem to get over the fact that I'm only 2 1/2 months old by their (people) years. Sigh.

Mum was talking to Daddy this morning, and I overheard her tell him that she thinks I'm in my "terrible twos". She said that she could tell, because I'm eating real food now, and I'm completely potty trained*. This makes me pretty happy, but I'm a little put off by the next thing she said: "He's always wanting to play.. He's like a two-year-old with knives attached to his fingers." That's not exactly a pretty picture, is it? I guess I'll have to tone down the claws for a while.

So if there were a Cat-Year Calculator, I'm pretty sure that 10 weeks would equal 2 years (cat to human, of course! As if a grown-up, two-year-old cat could be compaired to one of those yowling babies that the humans bring into the world!).

Mum and Dad have been keeping the TV on for me while they go to "work". They always put it on Cartoon Network, which I love. It's pretty awesome to always have Baby Bugs and Daffy keeping me company while The People are away. My favorite show right now is Teen Titans.. I really want to join! After all, who couldn't use a non-stop-pouncing-biting machine on their super-hero squad?

Mum left the TV on while she took a "nap" last night. I don't know who she thought she was kidding, I certainly knew she'd be down for the count. Who naps at 11:30 pm? Nobody, that's who. Anyway, she left the TV on to keep me company all night, but she forgot to change the channel. I hope she forgets tonight, too. I'd love to see more about how those Britney Spears dogs live! That's the life! I also got to learn about why Mum and Dad act so crazy and listen to such awful music sometimes. The ninetys were crazy! No wonder they're so insane. I love VH1!

The Lady Mum is home from work today, and it's putting a bit of a damper in my style. How am I supposed to go wild and rampant with her checking up on me every five minutes? I suppose I'll have to get used to it, though.. she says it's going to be happening more frequently now that her "co-worker" is back from vacation. At least one of us is happy about that! One good thing, though, is she's doing loads and loads of laundry. God, chasing socks is soooo much fun!

-Linus

* Just to prove her wrong, I immediately went into the living room and left a turd on the carpet. Hahaa, Mum, you don't know everything! She stepped in it this morning, though, and I don't think she was too happy with me. I guess I'll have to stop doing that from now on. She might start thinking I'm not actually as "old" as she thinks I am, and that's a huge step backwards.. I can't have that, we've only just now started making progress!

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Litterbox Fury

Mum has been cleaning my box Too Frequently. I stand by her every day as she scoops, and try to convey my utter displeasure with my voice, but she just doesn't seem to care. I want my box to smell like me.. it's My Box, and I want the neighborhood to know!

Mum says she knows that it's mine, no matter how often it's cleaned, and Dad seems to think the same thing.. but who knows what the visitors will think? What happens when they throw a party, and everyone else wants to use my box*? That's crazy! No way! It's MINE, and I want it to smell that way!

*After all, who in their right minds would want to use the loud, swishy box? They don't even have anything to cover the stuff with! It's obscene! I understand that The People are strange, and only want to use the swishy, but what about the guests? They can't all be that moronic!

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Life as a Kitten

Things are really going great! Sorry I haven't been updating as much, but The People seem to be on the computer even more than ever!

Also, they've been letting me into the secret room at night. The secret room where all the mischeif takes place. I can remember how I used to long to be in the secret room at night.. sigh. It's all gone a little downhill, I'm afraid.

I used to think that in the secret room, there were parties going on. Giant, lavish parties full of string and smoked oysters and all sorts of catnippy fun. There had to be, why else wouldn't they let me in? I tried my most effective tactics on them, crying and even swiping my paw under the door, and they still wouldn't let me in! It was humiliating.

Now that I've been let in for the night, though, I'm starting to think the whole secret room is a bit of a bore. The Lady and The Guy go in there to.. well, to sleep. How mundane. And try as I might to wake them up at 5:30 -- when I know darn well that it's THE AM, AND NOT THE PM ANY LONGER! -- they just won't wake up. Sometimes they do, and then they just toss me out of the room. Again with the humiliation.

I can't believe these people.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Weekend Roundup!

I like fighting with The Guy, because he lets me use my claws all the time. He's starting to protest, though, so maybe I'll lay low for a while.

The Lady, on the other hand, doesn't tollerate any of the rough stuff that I adore. She's a big Stick In The Mud, and any time I get any good momentum going, she picks me up and puts me on the ground. The Ground! How humiliating!

This weekend was great. I got to meet Uncle Cam. He kept calling me PeeWee, which I think is hillarious. Everyone knows I'm practically a lion. HUGE.

On a completely unrelated note, I absolutely love this blog. I can write whatever I want (just so long as it's after The People go to bed), and no one knows the difference. I'll get some pictures up here soon, and then you can all see what a panther I am, I promise.

Maybe I'll wait until I grow a bit more, though.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Hi, I'm Linus!

.. and this is my blog!

From what I remember, my life before I met The People wasn't that fantastic. Sure, it was fun chasing around my brother and sisters, and the Giant Dog who slept with us was fun to attack, but after Mama went away*, it was pretty sad. The Lady (#1) fed us Fancy Feast, which was pretty yummy, and she gave us some medicine**, and the next thing I knew, The Guy and The (other) Lady came to visit. They were pretty cool, I could tell right away. The (other) Lady knelt right down, as soon as she saw me, so I ran up to her and crawled right onto her lap. They pretty much decided right away*** that I was the one for them.

Things are great in my new house. The Lady is here more than The Guy, but I love them both. They're definately the funnest, warmest, and bestest parents that a kitten ever did have. The Lady even wipes my bottom after I poo!****

After a couple of days of watching them push these buttons, I think I've gotten it down. Don't tell them I know how to do this, though, cause they might stop doing stuff for me*****.



*The Lady (#1) said she got hit by a car, whatever that is. I just know that she wasn't there anymore, and that's why The Lady (#1) was finding us homes when we were only 6 weeks old.

**Yucky nasty de-wormer. They can pretend it tastes yummy all they want, but if they keep forcing it on kittens, we're bound to resist. Don't those humans know that they can't trick us?

***Everything went just according to plan. I knew I could sucker them into picking me. Although I have to say, my sister did put up a convincing show, but The Lady and The Guy knew she was just trying to copy my by crawling all over them. Amateur.

****The Lady (#1) told The People that I'm not that great at cleaning myself up yet, cause I'm so little. Even though I resent this a little bit (just cause I like being dirty doesn't mean I don't know how to wash myself!), I let them think that. After all, what better way to keep them in their place than to let them keep wiping my bum? Hahahaha!

*****I'm going to have to post mainly when they're sleeping, which shouldn't be a problem. I realized early on that the only time I'd get to myself is when they were sleeping. Unfortunately, they decided to foil my plans and bring me to bed with them. Luckily, I found a way around that. It's amazing what a few well-placed turds can do!